I can't remember when I first thought I would become an actress, it was just always what I wanted to do. When I was 8 years old and we lived in San Francisco, my mother told me that they were shooting a movie a few streets away, and why didn't I put my best dress on and go over and see if I could get a part? So by that age it was something I must have been talking about.
I never studied acting or drama until I came to TASIS England. My previous school didn't offer drama classes. TASIS was my first opportunity to actually try acting! We were a small, close-knit group, and we put on some great shows. I played Lady Bracknell, which at 16 was a huge challenge! I learned a huge amount, and most importantly got the preparation I needed to win a place at the Arts Educational drama school in London.
Arts Ed was the only drama school which would accept students under the age of 18 (21 and postgraduate status was the norm). I trained for two years and came out searching for my first job and that vital, elusive Equity card. A the time, Equity was a 'closed shop' union, which meant that you couldn't get a job without a card and you couldn't get a card without a job. It took a year, and one director to fight for me in front of the union's general council, but eventually I got in. It's all different now - no more closed shop - but I'm not sure that makes it any easier!
For the first 3 years, I worked in regional theatre, fringe, and touring, and I did a couple small parts on television. Then I got my big break in Anna and The Five Towns, a BBC 4-part adaptation of the Arnold Bennett novel. Originally, I had auditioned for a supporting role, and was recalled for that role. After I read in my recall, the director casually said, "Now read that scene again, but this time read Anna." I read the scene again, and there was this electric atmosphere in the room. I looked up and the director and producer were just staring at each other. No one said a word. Then I was offered the lead!
Anna was a wonderful experience. It was a great success, I worked with some great actors, made some lifelong friends, and it changed my life. I remember one older actress saying to me, "It's a cracking part - you'll be lucky to get another one so good in your entire career!," and she was right. I have played many wonderful parts on screen and in the theatre, but there has been nothing to beat Anna.
When I was in my late 20s, work started to get slow, and I felt the need for a fresh challenge, so I went to Oxford to read English as a mature student. I had been good at English at school largely thanks to Max Page, and his and TASIS England's help and references, I was offered a place at St. Hilda's College. Oxford was a daunting challenge, on every level. It was intensely demanding but well worth the struggle, and I am very proud of my double first class degree! I didn't do any acting at college because I had already worked professionally and was there to study, so I spent my evenings in the Bodleian rather than the playhouse!
I did wonder whether I would continue acting afterwards. Everyone knows the parts dry up for actresses past the age of 30, unless you're an A-lister. The numbers are against you - you only have to look at the dramatis personae of any Shakespeare play to see 2-4 female roles against 20-25 male ones. I had turned down a lot of work while I was at Oxford, but when I cam out, I discovered that many of my contacts had either given up, emigrated, or passed away! I knew that after the challenge of Oxford, I couldn't just sit there waiting for parts to come along.
So, I started script reading and editing at the BBC and freelance for feature film companies, and this led me to forming an independent production company called Locomotion Pictures. The idea was to develop and finance original feature films in the UK. Anyone who is involved with this knows how difficult and soul-destroying it can be - and also how exciting and how much fun! during this time I held down a variety of part time jobs while going to pitch meetings and film festivals to meet with financiers, writers, and agents. My company almost made it - I had two films in development and came so, so close to getting production financing - but trying to develop and finance a film is like trying to build an invisible jigsaw puzzle vertically in thin air. Deals are in a constant state of flux until the magic moment when everything comes together and you can start pre-production. Alas, that magic moment never came, and after a particular deal fell apart for the umpteenth time, I decided to throw in the towel before I lost my sanity!
At the same time, I was offered a job at the National Theatre on a production of Patrick Marber's brilliant play, Closer, so it was back to acting!
As an actor, you get used to doing "day jobs" while out of work, and I've done 'em all. Waiting tables, market research, call center work, teaching, being an usher, giving workshops on presentation skills, office jobs, personal assistant work ... and more. Since my return to acting in 2000, it has been a tough struggle, but worth it. There have been two special highlights: working at the Royal Shakespeare Company in Stratford for the 2003 season and making a movie with Brad Pitt!
I had always wanted to work at the RSC - for many actors it is their spiritual home. Shakespeare is wonderful, and I believe that you can only truly understand Shakespeare if you perform or watch it live. I had many auditions for the RSC but never managed to get in. Finally, I was offered a season to do Richard III and Titus Andronicus. While I was at Stratford, I had the privilege to work with John Barton, who though in his 80s is still one of the world's experts on Shakespearean verse and speaking, and Cicely Berry, relatively youthful in her 70s, who revolutionized voice production. It was doing a PhD in Shakespeare. My abiding memory of performing at the Royal Shakespeare Theatre was the feeling of being linked to history - you could say you had the same dressing room as Vivien Leigh, for example - but I also remember sitting in the green room during the show, overlooking the River Avon, as the hot summer evenings faded into dusk. We would all sit there sweltering in our heavy costumes, claiming to be in it for the glamor!
In 2005, I made a film called Babel, which starred Brad Pitt and Cate Blanchett, and was directed by Mexican uber-genius Alejandro Gonsales Iñárittu. It was an amazing experience - spending a month in Morocco being a fellow tourist on the bus, sitting immediately behind Brad and Cate and helping them when Cate's character, Susan, was accidentally shot. Very exciting, and Morocco is a wonderful, warm, friendly country. Are you wondering why you don't remember me in the film? My part, which was small, was entirely cut out! That is the cruel, but all too typical, side of the business.
I would advise anyone wanting a career in acting to by all means try it. You will soon know if it is in your blood and if you are prepared to put up with the rejection, the unemployment, the pointless day jobs, the low money, the endless struggle and other, more personal sacrifices that all actors make every day. Very few actors ever make a living at it. It's a lovely life, and a free one, if you can make it work. Which is an ever changing, daily challenge.
This article first appeared in the TASIS England Today magazine, Autumn 2007 issue.